3 Months Post Revision Surgery

Good morning folks! It has been awhile! I have been so busy with life getting back to some normalcy, that I have not posted lately. Everything for the most part has been going well. I had an appointment with the oncologist about a month ago, and he said that he was very pleased with my blood test results. He pretty much said that my case is boring, because he has nothing to do since I am doing so well.

I was looking forward to getting into the New Year because the plan was that I was going to live my best cancer-free life this year; Get back into traveling, work a normal schedule at work with significantly less follow-ups with the doctor, eat better and start getting active again, and just in general be more settled and happier with how life was going. Well, let me tell you, life had other plans. Right after Dr. Durden released me from follow-ups for two months, my left breast decided to start expelling sutures. The material that is used to sew the incision closed is a dissolvable material. For whatever reason, the sutures under my left breast did not want to dissolve and my body began pushing them out to the surface of my skin. If you have never seen or experienced this happening, it can be pretty alarming to see. It looked like my incision was opening back up in a few places. I wound up having to go back to the doctor at least three or four times for them to remove the pieces of suture material before my incision finally closed back up all the way. It was super frustrating because it set me back in feeling more normal as they advised me to stop taking showers again, and to sponge bathe the top half of my body. Do you know how annoying it is to bathe in three different stages? I had to bathe the bottom half of my body in the shower with the wand, the top half of my body at the sink, and throw my head over the side of the shower to wash my hair. I swear it increased my normal shower time by at least a half hour if not longer. I kept telling myself that I shouldn't be annoyed because at least I didn't have cancer anymore, but I firmly believe that survivors are very much allowed to feel the frustration of what cancer left them with. You don't hear a lot of people talk about the aftermath because they are just so grateful to have survived it. Well, I can have it both ways. I can be so grateful to have survived it, while also being frustrated with what I am dealing with now because of it.

So finally my incision fully closed again, and it was time to get back to living my best cancer free life! Dr. Durden checked everything out and subsequently released me for three months this time! I was so excited! I didn't get the two month break in between visits last time because of the sutures. This time I can finally see what it feels like not having to drive back and forth to Newnan every other week and use up my sick time at work. Lo and behold, I wake up the very next morning with pain in my right breast. This is very strange and alarming to me considering I have not had feeling in my breasts since the bilateral mastectomy. When I looked in the mirror, there was a kind of dark red/purple spot on my breast, and when I ran my finger over it, it felt like there was a hole in the tissue beneath. All kinds of horrific things began to run through my mind. "Is the cancer back?" "Is this the beginning of tissue death?" "Am I going to lose the flap that my right breast was reconstructed from and have to get an implant?" I sent a message through myChart to my doctor explaining what was going on and asking if they might know what it is. They told me that I would need to come in so they can take a look. So, here we go again to Newnan having to take sick time from work. When I got into the office, the physician's assistant informed me that Dr. Durden himself will need to take a look, because she is not sure what it could be. When Dr. Durden came in, he was also stumped as to what may be occurring. He said that I would need to get an ultrasound. He also told his assistant that my breast surgeon needed to be looped in as well as my oncologist. That was downright frightening. They asked if I could stay to do the ultrasound the same day, and I said, "Absolutely! Whatever needs to happen to get this taken care of!"

I left the room and went out to the general lobby of City of Hope. I talked with Patrick and let him know what was going on, and before I could contact work, the scheduling department called and said they could get me in for the ultrasound right away. The urgency did nothing to help my nerves. I booked it to the other end of the facility to Imaging. While waiting on them to call me back, I spoke with my manager at work to let him know that I would be later than originally expected and why. One thing I will comment on, is that I have a really great manager. He has been in the know throughout this whole cancer journey, and extremely supportive and understanding. Not everyone has that kind of support at their workplace when going through cancer, and I am so grateful that I have. So, the ultrasound tech then called me back, and wouldn't you believe, we went right to the same room where I got my ultrasound guided biopsy about a year ago that diagnosed my second cancer in the left breast? Talk about being on edge! I was doing everything I could not to freak the freak out! The tech was super nice and talked with me while she got her images. She asked about my journey so far and if Dr. Durden did my surgery. I told her he did, to which she replied, "He did a really good job!" I told her that I was so very happy with the results. I never expected that my breasts could look so close to what they were before all of this, except perkier, lol! When she finished getting her images, she told me that due to my history, she wanted to go ahead and go over my results with the radiologist. I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. The waiting felt like an eternity, and if you know anything about me, the waiting has been the absolute hardest part of this entire journey. After what was likely ten to fifteen minutes (YEARS), she came back in the room. She pulled up an image of what she could see in my breast and let me know that it was a hematoma. Can we say immediate relief?! A hematoma is mostly clotted blood that can be found in different parts of the body. It can be due to injury or even surgery. This was great news! No recurrent cancer and no tissue death! I have to say this was best case scenario. I expect that I should be hearing back from Dr. Durden's office early next week with any care instructions he may have.

In other news, I have been on Keto since January 2nd, and I am excited to say that I have lost 15 pounds so far! I'm not going to lie, I think that I got into a slight depression by the end of last year from my life being so abnormal due to the recovery. I gained weight and was the heaviest I'd ever been aside from when I was pregnant. It was so uncomfortable because my abdominal skin is so tight from the DIEP flap surgery, and it made me feel like a stuffed sausage. I feel so much better already and can't wait to add exercising to eating better! I had gotten on the treadmill and done some yoga the day before the hematoma made itself apparent, and I was so happy to get moving again! When I woke up with that pain in my breast I was so upset, because I just wanted to get on with getting back to normal already!

All of this that has happened occurred in January. I swear January was the longest month of my life. There were other things good and bad that took place as well that were not cancer journey related. I went to New York for a day with my niece and two friends! Unfortunately it rained a lot of the day that we were there, but we still had a good time! My two friends had never been to New York, so it was fun to give them a glimpse into all it has to offer. We visited Times Square, Ground Zero, Rockefeller Center, the Starbucks Reserve at the Empire State Building, got some extremely yummy Ramen at Shinka Ramen and Sake Bar in Chinatown, and then went back to Times Square to see it lit up at night. It was a good bit to pack into one day but definitely worth the trip!

On a much sadder note, we also lost our first family pet Gizmo to a bad heart this past Wednesday. He would've been 15 years old on May 1st. We had noticed that he stopped being so active and wasn't eating very well. He also had developed rapid, shallow breathing. When I took him to the vet, they did a chest x-ray to find out what was going on. The vet came back and said that he was very sick. Gizmo had pleural effusion which means there was a whole lot of fluid between his chest wall and his lungs. He explained that pleural effusion occurs a lot of the time due to a bad heart. Because of the pressure on his lungs, he was unable to breathe well and was not getting much oxygen. They immediately moved him from the x-ray to an oxygen chamber. The vet told me that if we wanted to be super aggressive, we could spend anywhere from five to ten thousand dollars on surgeries that may or may not work. There was no way I was putting my baby through that. He was so tired. I spoke with Patrick and Travis, and the decision was made to let him go so he could be at peace. I have had family pets pass when I was younger living with my parents, but this was the first time that it was truly MY pet. This was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. I stayed with Gizmo until it was over. We have all been having a really tough time with this loss, especially Travis. It is so hard to watch your child go through something like this. Even harder is the fact that he is twenty-one years old and almost six feet tall, so I can't pick him up, hold him, and comfort him in the way that I want to as his mother. It has just been so difficult all around.

Now, after the longest January on record, I am hoping that I can get on with some normalcy finally! The plan for February consists of healing from the hematoma, getting back active, traveling with family to San Diego for Winter break, attending rehearsals with the Carrollton Community Wind Ensemble for our spectacular Spring program, prepping for the crafters market at Printer's Ale that begins in March, and just altogether enjoying life!